Love Languages at Work
Sounds like a bad instructional video: Love Languages at Work. Actually, it’s a useful rubric for developing deeper connections with colleagues and teammates — something the pandemic has taught us can improve our working lives. They’re adapted from a 1992 book by Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) in which he explains that there are five different ways that people experience love, or, in the workplace, experience validation and appreciation. Recognizing and using the “language" that most resonates with someone can create a more meaningful exchange, which can create greater productivity and job fulfillment.
Adapted for a work environment, the five love languages — and ways to implement them at work -- are:
1) Acts of Service: Offer to take something off someone’s task list, cover a meeting, take notes or arrange a meeting or event for someone who has a full plate.
2) Words of Affirmation: Mark work anniversaries; acknowledge someone’s contribution, ideally in a group setting, and often in writing. Those who tend to see the glass half full can return to written positive comments to gain perspective.
3) Quality Time: Extend a deadline if you can; offer timely feedback so people don’t lose sight of work they have done; schedule regular check ins; ensure that meetings are necessary, focused and involve only those who need to attend; arrange a no-meeting time block each week so people have concentrated time; encourage team members to take PTO and mental health days; make time to be a mentor or a new-employee guide.
4) Receiving Gifts: Offer a coffee bar or lunch gift card, time off, a chance to attend a conference, take a class or handle a stretch assignment. Send an email article about a topic that interests them, work or otherwise.
5) Being Seen (replacing Physical Touch from the original list which is clearly a nonstarter in the office): Be certain your phone is off when you meet one on one; make eye contact; say hello in the morning or on the elevator; listen to the answer when you ask "what did you do this weekend?" or "what are your holiday plans?"
How do you discover someone’s love language? You can ask, if you are comfortable doing so. Or do a bit of detective work. Caileen Kehayas Holden the author of "What's Your Workplace Love Language?" in The Career Contessa, suggests a few ways to gain insight about their preference for communicating. For example, observe how they treat others, what they mention could be approved — having too little time or too little communication, too little sharing of details, not getting credit. What things do they ask for — more clarity, more opportunities, more time? And, there is always trial and error. Try different approaches and see what gets the best reaction. You can’t really go wrong putting in the effort to create deeper connections and improved communication.
